Brainsick Soliloquy

Every friend or acquaintance who has been kind enough to drop me a mail in the recent past invariably starts off with a reference to Texas being cowboy country and quizzes me about my wild west encounters. Since cowboys on horses can be seen in abundance roaming around in the streets of wild wild Austin (as common as are snake-charmers in India), I have been quite philosophically restrained whenever confronted with such a question.

Another favorite Texan association that the junta seems to harbour is George Bush. Bush is not a Texan by birth however inspirationally cowboy-like he may be in his actions. Legend has it that Bush Sr. and family moved to Texas from Connecticut in the distant past after 4 year old Bush Jr. set their house on fire to prevent intruders and would-be terrorists from burgling their belongings. But that is just a legend. Many of you would have already got wind of unconfirmed reports that ancestors of Bush were from Kanjirappally in Kerala and that the surname Bush was originally Kuttikkaadan (which translates to what else but Bush). While the rest of the world blissfully believes that they are dealing with an Anglo-Saxon world leader with obvious right of centre ideological allegiances, the small community of faithful readers of this piece can bask in the light of exclusive information that Bush is an achayan by name George Kuttikkaadan with a 500acre rubber estate in Kanjirappally and a strong allegiance to the multi-factional Kerala Congress.

Back to Texas! Five months in Texas and here is what I have learnt!

1. Makes sense to build your proficiency in Spanish for a variety of reasons (se habla Espanol)
2. Being Mexican is far worse than being Indian here in Texas. And if you are a Mexican Indian, god save!!
3. When in Texas buy a truck! Bigger the better!
4. Never go to a beach resort in winter, even if it is in the tropical zone or if it is not cold. You don’t know what you are missing!
5. Mastering the art of speaking in the classic Texan accent is a piece of cake if you speak English the Mallu way. There definitely is a linguistic connect between Texans and Mals.
6. Salad is the only ‘dish’ that a total vegetarian can hope to get here. And that too upon request not to add dead animals.
7. If you don’t do your grocery shopping at HEB, you don’t qualify to live in Texas.
8. Membership in a local Mallu association is just a phone call away. “They” are always watching you!
9. Even if you are living on the moon and feel that your thirst for a dose of motherland would be quenched by watching a Bollywood movie, please don’t watch Salaam-e-Ishq. You’ll never get out of the moviehall alive!

There ya gow! Ah hope yawl enjoyed raidin’ this post! I have some more nonsense lined up but have been taking refuge behind the excuse of being mired in work! Not for long though. I will think of a different excuse soon.