Brainsick Soliloquy

After Shilpa Shetty’s phenomenal accomplishment in bringing home the Celebrity Big Brother crown, Indians worldwide have embarked on a novel petition campaign to declare Shilpaji a national treasure. Going by the statistics of the petition campaign and the vitalstatistics of the object of the campaign I genuinely feel that Shilpaji should be consecrated as a jewel in India’s crown. Why not call her Mummy of the Nation? After Mother India of course. That would make her Second Mother of the Nation. Then wouldn’t she be called Step-Mother of the Nation? Forget it. Why not Sister of the nation? That would hurt the sentiments of several “rather-would-not-be-brothers”. Let us freeze on Celebrity of the Nation. And aptly so, given that she brought the Celebrity Big Brother crown back home. Finally, Shilpaji has something to cheer about as well. Her resourcefulness in unleashing big brothers of the underworld on the hapless owners of Praful Sarees did prove to be an experience to bank on besides her inborn acting skills. If at all you term proficiency in gyrating your body to rhythm and flaunting a perpetually moronic grin as skills worth advertising.

Propelled by the success and popularity of Big Brother, an American TV channel has decided to outdo their weaker cousin across the Atlantic by hosting a reality show called Megastar Big Sister. Unlike the usage “Big Brother”, “Big Sister” does not have undesirable Orwellian undertones to it. And it keeps the feminist camp happy. The technology workforce residing in the US (read Telugu community) has however expressed its animosity to the usage “Megastar” since that is proprietary and can be used to address just one person – Chiru.

Yesterday, the Government of India declared the selection of participants to international reality shows a subject of utmost national security and the
sole prerogative of the cultural ministry. And the babudom that reigns over the ministry is unanimous on the nation’s representative and contender to be Big Sister. Shakeela! In a happening press conference, the Minister of Culture, Ambika Soni (another intimidating sister herself!) proudly revealed India’s choice. She also elaborated on why analysts have put all their money on Shakeela to win this coveted competition.

1. Shakeela fits in to the Big Sister mould much better than any personality (living, dead or both) 2. No one would dare pass comments against Shakeela’s origins or colour because wild buffalos are not known to be very generous to people who taunt members of their community.

3. Once Shakeela enters the Big Sister household there would not be any room for other participants to move in. She would be the only choice for the title! That is a real winner of a reason to field her candidature!

4. Just like Shilpa, Shakeela also is a promising actress with immense potential and lots of exposure whichever way you see it. And they have so much more in common – Look at their names. S, H, L, A… Its hardly a coincidence Go Shakeela! Go! Teach the yankees how shocking reality can be!! Big Sister is watching you!